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Sarah Palin OMG

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Warning: Slightly long post

Barack Hussein Obama II has so far flaunted his inexperience at governance and most other things by claiming that he plans to start afresh. He wants to bring in change. Bravo I say. He has a perfect family, a fairly uninteresting (i.e. scandal-free) wife and irrelevant children. There are rumours that he just might be the Messiah America … nay, the whole world, needs. His trip to different parts of the world a month ago was probably to do some mass healing. And I wouldn’t be too surprised if it is later revealed that he uses the pool at home to practise moonwalking on water.

John Sidney McCain was the old guy, the too experienced fella who just wouldn’t change. He’s the dude who got yoinked in Vietnam or whichever slang you prefer for the unmentionable places. Sample: I’ll kick your Vietnam all the way to Ho-Chi-Minh you modaf****). Things were going along just so perfectly for the Dems …

… until this happened. Obama went and got himself a fairly old guy as a VP. Joseph Robinette(!) Biden doesn’t just look old – all those jokes about ‘ancient history being current affairs’, ‘diaper changes‘ and ‘foreign secretary to Queen Elizabeth I’ which were made about McCain are now applicable to Biden too. He talks in a fairly senile manner also. Now, replace the ‘s’ by ‘p’, and you have a word which is eternally associated with dysfunction. So basically Biden is just one alphabet away from being unable to stand tall in times of deep crisis and turn on … sorry, turmoil. WHOA!

McCain decided to fight inexperience with inexperience (never believed I would ever make such a statement). He wanted someone who would shove Obama’s rhetoric/message (depends which way you look at it) up his Vietnam. So he ventured where no one had ever gone i.e. Wasilla, Alaska and got himself Sarah Louise Heath Palin! OMG! O.M.G.! First of all – what a cute name!

Here’s what I think will now happen.

1. The average age of the Democrat P-VP candidate combo: (47+65)/2 = 56. The average age of the Republican P-VP candidate combo: (72+44)/2 = 58. Age gap? What age gap?

2. He’s tangling an awesome carrot in front of all Americans – There are quite a few disheartened folks (mainly ladies) who wanted Hillary to be the first woman Prez. Everyone is convinced that if McCain does get elected, he’ll pop off while in office. Well, if that does happen, ta-dah! Guess who’ll be the President of USandA! Sen. Palin! OMG! O.M.G.!

3. Every American secretly wants to have hot people in the White House. Hollywood is to be blamed for this mostly (Please refer to this previous post about a much better way for selecting the US Prez). That’s why they loved Reagan and Kennedy (esp. Jackie) and Bill Clinton (apparently). McCain adds to this list his fourth (fifth?) wife Cindy McCain, although some people might think she looks like an android. Everyone will nod in vehement agreement, though, when I say that Palin is the hottest thing (person) ever to have a realistic (albeit indirect) chance of becoming the President. <Pause to digest this info>. She was a Miss USA ’84 runner-up or something (the year I was born. We have a connection already. Sigh). She also was Miss Congeniality in the same competition. Is it just me or does this sound exactly like the Sandra Bullock movie with the same name! She is like one of those characters you occasionally see who is all uptight and snooty with scholarly glasses and prim dresses but who is secretly smoldering underneath with passion and desire and what not … phew. Very sweaty in here.

Ed: Just realized this – Given her pageant antics, obviously the one thing she’ll be ‘gunning’ for is – World Peace. That, and resurrecting Mother Teresa. Amen to that.

4. She is mom to an infant and also set to be a granny with a 17-year old unmarried pregnant daughter – and she preaches abstinence to one and all. She is from Alaska and shoots animals for fun. Wiki says – “Palin, a self- described “hockey mom”, is a mother of five. She enjoys hunting, ice fishing and riding snowmobiles. She has also completed a marathon in just under 4 hours.” She is like Jack Bauer without the torture. Who would NOT want to have such an awesome President-in-waiting? (I guess the PETA folks would object to her trigger-happy ways. But we all know that most people there sign up thinking that they’ll be officially allowed to have pics of Pam Anderson’s Cambodias covered with veggies as their office desktop wallpapers. Yeah right …**)

5. Sen. McCain antagonized Britney Spears and Paris Hilton by equating Obama to them (lol!). Paris Hilton then responded with a video of her own, suggesting why SHE should run for the presidency. He thus made Americans open to the idea that one day hotness and dumbness might just grace the floors of the White House in official positions. Then he gives them Palin, who is like the tape-less, brunette and much more intelligent version of Ms. Hilton. How cool is that?

As news filters in that McCain now leads Obama in opinion polls, I have to say – Well played Sen. McCain and all you Republicans. I honestly didn’t think you had it in you, but clearly I was wrong. You know the American psyche better than anyone else.

** If this fact which I scoffed is in fact actually true – and if there are more perks of a similar kind – could someone please let the PETA folks know that after humanitarianism, vegitarianism is what I love the most. Srsly. kthxbye.

Written by sujaybedekar

September 9, 2008 at 12:38 pm

Posted in news, politics, US

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OMFG!

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Stupid wordpress doesn’t allow embedding random videos (at least I don’t know how to do it …)

But seriously! O.M.F.G. What will the US candidates do next? It’s like waaaay past a guessing game now 🙂

Link

Written by sujaybedekar

April 24, 2008 at 6:32 pm

Posted in politics, US

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Flakes

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Coincidences. Sigh.

Up until a few weeks ago, which is like more than a quarter of my entire life, I hadn’t seen snow ever. I mean, even the freezer in my house used to be on perpetual defrost or something, thereby depriving me the chance of making snowmen and all. Traveling to places where it snowed was always ruled out as a holiday option because the places used to be invariably too cold (duh, I know).

Then I come here to the US, where it snows everywhere and all the time – at least in all places I’ve been to so far. My cousins dismiss 8 inches of snow like I would dismiss 8 inches of rain. And – here’s the coincidence part I sighed about at the beginning – as I sit in a Greyhound bus staring out at the infinite snow along the road, reading the book Snow by Orhan Pamuk, which song should play on the music player but Snow (hey o) by RHCP. You just can’t make such stuff up. Srsly.

The aforementioned book is pretty good, btw. The author won a Nobel Prize for Literature in 2006, and funnily I read his Acceptance speech first, which was quite interesting (link). The book has in common with other good books those two crucial ingredients which are seemingly simple but quite elusive when you sit down to write – small sentences, simple words.

On the topic of coincidences, here’s another one: The other book I’m reading in parallel – The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini – has a reference to the Sohrab and Rustam story. (That story was one of my favourite stories ever when I read it more than a decade ago – it still is, in fact) And Snow also has a reference to the story. Made me smile 🙂

Written by sujaybedekar

March 28, 2008 at 4:12 am

Posted in arbit, Books, Music, US

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The Emperor’s Club

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Bagel and cream cheeseAs I sit at my desk with a nice and warm Bagel-and-cream-cheese and a cup of hot Mocha, still reminiscing about the wonderful burger-and-fries I had last night, I am forced to remind myself that New York is so much more than the food. Yes, you have pizzas and pastas and antipastas and salads and sandwiches and sushi and shrimps Big Whopperand beer and onion rings and Paninis and other ancient sanskrit grammarians … I forgot what my point was.

<pause for a quick bite>

So anyhoo, New York and Mumbai are so alike, it can get a bit freaky. It is heartening to see poor and homeless people here – i know that didn’t come out right, but still – it is heartening because it gives me hope. It gives me hope, that in these troubled times, we americans need to stick together. We cannot allow divisive forces to be divisive. But we cannot disown the divisive forces, because they are the reason why we exist. And everybody needs some divisivity in their lives. Now is the time for change. Will-I-am says it, lots of other people say it. If George Bush was the Decider, Obama is our Liberator. It’s amazing to see the amount of rhetoric generated on racism, black-blue-purple-white-ebony and people of other hues during election season. And this is just the primaries. Wait till the secondaries come up *rubbing hands in glee*

Man that Barrack dude is one smooth talker. If I was an American citizen, I would vote for him just because I’ll be glad to not have someone in the Oval Office who uses words like ‘misunderestimated‘. This, even when my gut tells me that McCain will win eventually (my predictions, archived for future ridicule or adulation).

But then, I digress. So I’ll get back to summarizing the great insights you can get when you stay in a new city for less than three weeks and are cooped up in the office for 12+ hours and resting at home for 8+ hours. Once you get past the food, you realize that NY can be a bit of a pain-in-the-neck, especially if you stare at all the tall buildings here. The engineer inside me marvels at these awesome structures while the arithmeticist tries to count the number of floors in each skyscraper. A trip to the top of the Empire State Building in daytime and the Rockfeller Centre (Top of the Rock) around sunset is, in my opinion, necessary to give you a feel of the enormity of the structures here. This kind of compensates for this bad habit people here have of calling the ground floor the first floor (totally unnecessary and extremely confusing).

You turn on the TV, and you see mainly 3 types of advertisements, which essentially summarize the American lifestyle (apologies right away for being too generic) –

1. Exercise equipment/ Gymming classes: There are two categories of people here: those who are thin and like to believe what they are eating is very healthly when they consume anything that’s green, thereby creating a problem for St. Patrick’s revellers; the other is the category of people who have breakfasts equal to the size of people mentioned in category one. It is hence not surprising that the variety available in clothes sized <=S and >=XL vastly outnumbers that in the ‘Indian’ sizes – M and L.

2. Cars: The distances are so vast and the public transport system virtually non-existent (especially when you leave the metros) that a car becomes a necessity. The roads are pretty good and the traffic is orderly even when crowded, which makes driving a stress-free activity. And it is fashionable to have HUGE cars. If you can’t have a large car, the only other option is a Mini Cooper -the unfortunate intermediate sedans are more or less reserved exclusively for taxis.

3. Credit: You can get credit which is specially customized for anything and everything- from houses and cars to holidays to something called ‘the purple pill’ to bridal wear – which is quite ironic given the current credit crisis. I strongly believe that ‘An excellent credit profile‘ is one of the must-have items on most kids’ Santa lists here. A survey showed that most people when given the choice between paying off their credit card bills and their mortgage bills preferred to pay the card bills lest their credit profile gets screwed, irrespective of whether they actually have a house to stay and enjoy the benefits of their spending.

(I shall gloss over the fact that I’ve watched a bit too much of TV; although in my defence, the weather hasn’t been too encouraging for strolling around on the streets)

Now that the official part of my US trip comes to end, I’m getting all pumped about the unofficial US visit part, where I will be essentially going around North-North east US as follows –

NY – Minneapolis – Fargo (Cousins) – Champaign (UIUC people) – Ann Arbor (UMich people) – Detroit – NY.

US Sojourns

Woo hoo!

Written by sujaybedekar

March 20, 2008 at 10:36 pm

Posted in new york, news, politics, US

Tagged with , ,

Fall and dust yourself

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A latino window cleaner by the name of Alcides Moreno fell 47-stories, went into a coma, realized that it was a pretty boring place to be in, came out and gave a lot of joy to Americans. Bravo I say. Hallelujah, in fact.

(This has inspired some folks to advise How best to fall 47 stories, while some have drawn parallels between the window cleaners dive and the state of the Republican party). One more bravo for that.

My two pence on the topic –

1. Alcides fell 47 stories and still survived. Bill Clinton managed to tell 47 stories and still survived. The former has been explained as being not really a miracle using simple laws of physics. The latter continues to be a source of great wonderment even now. Isn’t the second incident more miraculous?

2. The dude will probably get a lot of praise and applause and become the posterboy for all evangelists who have already gone into a Praise-the-Lord overdrive, and then some more. Hope will reign supreme once again. Atheists will have to endure ‘Ha-in-your-face-suckers!’ for quite some time. Things will generally be happy and magical for quite some time.

3. After the dust has somewhat settled, Alcides will get penalised for not taking appropriate safety measures. People will then go on to blame celebrities (because that’s what he will have become by then) for being irresponsible and bad idols for today’s youth. This will be held to be just another example of the decaying morality of the society, which can be controlled only by banning morality altogether.

4. A tape of Alcides-caught-in-the-act will become the newest Utube phenomenon. The pathetic lighting and amateurish camerawork will urge people to take up ‘Shoot-your-own-video’ classes, just in case they do become popular.

5. Finally (in all probability), he’ll get deported back to Puerto Rico or Mehico or the place where most window cleaners/gardeners/odd-jobs-types people are born.

P.S.: I’m not being racist or discriminatory here – Do I take offense when people call me a nerd because of my academic/ national background? (I don’t). After all, do the hispanics object when people assume them to be godmax salsa dancers by default? This btw reminds me of a Russell Peters video where he pokes fun at racism and says how sometimes it can actually be quite fun – google it.

PS2: The post-tone is inspired by this super-hilarious-albeit-somewhat-long post.

PS3: Someone loan me one. Please. Pretty please! <eye flutter>

Written by sujaybedekar

January 15, 2008 at 4:47 pm

Posted in news, US

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