A moo point, basically …

Arbit/ Random

Posts Tagged ‘random

Social Networking?

with 4 comments

I’m yet to decide whether I am glad or dejected because I haven’t been tagged in any of the viral things doing the rounds on Facebook these days – Wall photos, 25 things you didn’t know about me, songs which come to my mind first when I read this and other Notes. What I am fairly certain about, though, is how highly irritating these things have turned out to be. I find myself torn between 2 extreme emotions: despair at having my notifications page being bombarded with random alerts, and an intense urge to find out who is the sluttiest person in each of my acquaintances’ friend circles.

What is most irritating, especially about all the random lists people generate, is that most of the things people include are solely meant to be cute/funny and hence end up being quite unreal. I would be very interested in knowing if, for example, someone colour-coded his underpants to work, or things which turned people on (and off). But telling me that you like taking long walks or that you do/don’t cry that often is just a criminal waste of cyberspace. As a mark of protest, here’s my list of things (in no particular order) which I find quite irritating –

1. People who talk about themselves all the time, only to pause and let you talk about them. This can be especially irritating when you want to talk about yourself.

2. People who don’t follow loo etiquette. As if it isn’t scary enough that foot tapping while getting epiphanies can have risqué implications, it can be quite pathetic when people make small talk out of plain relief (no pun intended) or just to dispel uncomfortable silences. This includes saying stuff like ‘I’m so awesome’ on making surprising discoveries. (People also have a tendency to say the most ridiculous/scandalous things in office restrooms – it’s almost like they forget that they still are in office and can very easily be overheard).

3. (Picking up from the previous point) – People who find it absolutely essential to dispel uncomfortable silences. Uncomfortable silences have a very specific purpose in life – to make people uncomfortable and shut them up at the same time. Breaking them, then, is just plain unnecessary.

4. People who ask redundant questions – ‘Ooh did that hurt?‘ after stepping on your foot. ‘I’m sorry am I blocking your view?‘ after coming late to a cinema hall and ambling along to their seats with their eyes glued to the screen. ‘What do you think?‘ after having already decided to buy something and asking for a second opinion just to give you the illusion of relevance.

5. People screwing up their grammar. I know, this might sound a bit finicky, but when someone says ‘I forgotted …‘, what is said thereafter gets, well, forgotted. Or ‘No I didn’t gone.‘ Or ‘I does not do this.’ Or ‘He catched it so well.‘ Mildly irritating.

6. People who screw up my name. I’ve had a wide range of people from Credit card call centre representatives to Rating Agency helpdesk individuals giving me advice on how to pronounce and/or spell my name. How tough is it to accept that someone can be named Sujay and not Sanjay, Sujoy, Suja or (this I swear I am NOT making up) Suagy? How in god’s name do you even pronounce the last one?

7. Pseudo-secularists, because they are full of BS. And armchair critics, because their purpose of existence is as mysterious, if not more, than slugs and bedbugs.

8. Arabic football commentators. I went through the entire 1998 Football World Cup telecast on the (then) newly-launched Ten Sports channel genuinely believing that the ‘experts’ on TV had all been infected by the same strain of strep which made them cough/clear their throats while talking. And they had a very irritating habit of yelling Goaaal GOaaal GOAaaal GOAAAAL! in an infinite loop when … obvious. Same goes for Latin American commentators who shout ‘GOLAASO’ ‘GOOLAAASO’ with a similar passion and sense of urgency.

9. Indian cricket commentators. And Pakistani ones too. ‘Nuff said.

10. The new FB interface. It is not just irritating – it is quite crappy.

11. Over-exuberance.

12. Tomato skin. I’ve talked about this before in great detail.

13. Babies who cry in cinema halls. And parents who act like their kids will shut up if they are ignored. Kids cry because they need attention. Makes you revisit the principles of Idiocracy every single time.

14. Having to explain jokes, especially those which aren’t meant to be classics and have a very, very short shelf life (i.e. bad ones). I go through this particular agony almost every day.

15. People who oppose something (a team, an idea, anything) you support just to have a stand (or to piss you off). I refuse to argue with someone who argues for the sake of arguing.

16. Honking at red lights. There might very well be some deep-rooted pyschological/Freudian explanations for this phenomenon, but there is no doubt that this can get mighty irritating.

17. Atheists who are atheists because it is cool to be one. For that matter, anyone who is something just because it makes her cooler. Although for atheists, I think most of the times they are (as a thumb rule) a little bit irritating anyway. Same goes for PETAmaniacs.

18. French footballers and Australian cricketers. I have no rational justification for this, though.

19. People who post ‘Sorry for not blogging in a long time …’ or ‘Blogging has been slow because …’. Seriously, the world has existed and will continue to exist without your contributions to cyber-literature.

20. People who add unnecessary points to lists just to have a ‘nice’ number of entries.

(This list is not exhaustive and is likely to swell with the passage of time. The round number of entries right now is purely coincidental, and doesn’t contradict point # 20. )


Written by sujaybedekar

March 26, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Being mean and Red-eyed and all that

with 3 comments

Thought 1: The one where my conjunctiva is affected

I currently have something which looks like conjunctivitis (Nice little red eye), seems like conjunctivitis (Nice little red eye) but is most probably not conjunctivitis (No pain, no itch). It’s like the teflon version of the real thing – non-sticky, non-gooey. What this does mean though is that I get to wear cool goggles (specifically an awesome-max aviator style 4213 Copper Polaroid pair of sunglasses) to office and give my colleagues infinite opportunities to mock me. One of the suggestions received is worth pondering over – “You need to totally try out for the movies dude. I’m sure there’s a shortage of Rajni-lookalikes. ” Gah.

Thought 2: Be mean, be happy

There are, as far as I can see, two distinct benefits to being mean to other people. By being mean, I mean actually genuinely intending to be mean. It’s not as easy as it seems. Like all good things, it takes a lot of practice. The advantages are –

1. You get to be mean to people. It’s like one of the best things ever which grows on you, like the black thing grows on the Venom villain of Spiderman.

2. If the opposite person is not really a mean person (which is mostly the case), (s)he will react to your meanness by being meaner (more mean? meanier?) and nastier. And then, you make him/her feel guilty about being mean, which is like the cherry on the icing or something.

It’s kind of like that scene from You’ve Got Mail, where Meg Ryan is jilted (but not really jilted) by Tom Hanks when they decide to meet up after deep, soul-searching online exchanges. Or the part where Tom goes to her apartment to make amends but she ends up saying that she can’t be mean like Tom Hanks because he is a genuinely mean guy. And then she feels guilty that she said this. (First movie scene – here. Second – too lazy to find). Good stuff. And I should probably mention Spoiler Alert! here, I guess.

Thought 3 : Blank

No news is good news‘, they say. But if you say ‘No thoughts are good thoughts‘, it’s not quite the same. Who changed the emphasis?

(Update: The eye is better – less angry, maybe. The doc says it actually is a viral conjunctivitis, which actually is a somewhat cooler version – less fussy/messy and still an comparable sympathy provoker)

Written by sujaybedekar

August 7, 2008 at 2:29 pm

Posted in arbit, Movies

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First drunken post, so ignore gramatical errors –

In the tried and tested phaarmyula of ‘when in doubt, use bullets’, this post is entirely bulleted (bulletined?)

– I finally know why the Rajasthan Royals keep winning. They are the Lee-Hesh equivalent of IPL Twenty20 cricket. i.e. they are the best example of Whole > sum of parts i.e. they are fart individually but awesome overall i.e. they are very nice, but not good enough (says my intestine) to win the world cup (Twenty20?) IPL cup, which, btw, looks super shady. Go Preity!

– The tour guide at the Lord’s cricket stadium narrated an awesome anecdote about Shane Warne’s time as a Hampshire player but I don’t remember what it was. Trust me, it was very funny. LOL.

– Hot flaming vodka is not exactly as great as some folks make it out to be – either that, or the vodka at Tian at Andheri is made out of shady potatoes

– Tian is nevertheless a nice place to get drunk at

– Do people eat freshmint after drinking caprioska (the link kind of negates my question, because there is no mint in the recipe. still, nice site)

This song is an awesome song which I unashamedly played in an infinite loop during the infinite kaam I had in offcie today.

– Neha Dhupia epitomizes women who are not even remotely pretty but still quite sexy.

– Facebook is too complicated for someone my age (at least for me), while orkut is too childish. Maybe there’s a business plan lurking here somewhere.

– Bombay dot dot dot Mumbai  needs a place like Bangalore’s Purple Haze. Now that’s a busineess plan for you! I accept royalties in cash and cheque and demand draft.

– Firefox spell check is painful. It gives Marsupial as an alternative to Dhupia. wtf.

Allit : My respect for drunken bloggers increase manifold.

AllitAllit: I can type without looking at the keyboard, which makes me feel so cool, like when Catherina Zeta Jones types in 2 complex passwords simultaneously on TWO different keyboards (wrong emphasis i think) in the movie ‘Entrapment’ (Yes she does that, trust me)

– The caps lock button is totally pointless unless you want to encourage people to scream at each other in mails/ chats.

– I’ve always wondered why people use random latin ‘abbreviations’ (which btw is an unnecessarily long word) like QED whose full form they don’t even know.

Habeus Corpus

Written by sujaybedekar

May 31, 2008 at 12:43 am

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Coincidences. Sigh.

Up until a few weeks ago, which is like more than a quarter of my entire life, I hadn’t seen snow ever. I mean, even the freezer in my house used to be on perpetual defrost or something, thereby depriving me the chance of making snowmen and all. Traveling to places where it snowed was always ruled out as a holiday option because the places used to be invariably too cold (duh, I know).

Then I come here to the US, where it snows everywhere and all the time – at least in all places I’ve been to so far. My cousins dismiss 8 inches of snow like I would dismiss 8 inches of rain. And – here’s the coincidence part I sighed about at the beginning – as I sit in a Greyhound bus staring out at the infinite snow along the road, reading the book Snow by Orhan Pamuk, which song should play on the music player but Snow (hey o) by RHCP. You just can’t make such stuff up. Srsly.

The aforementioned book is pretty good, btw. The author won a Nobel Prize for Literature in 2006, and funnily I read his Acceptance speech first, which was quite interesting (link). The book has in common with other good books those two crucial ingredients which are seemingly simple but quite elusive when you sit down to write – small sentences, simple words.

On the topic of coincidences, here’s another one: The other book I’m reading in parallel – The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini – has a reference to the Sohrab and Rustam story. (That story was one of my favourite stories ever when I read it more than a decade ago – it still is, in fact) And Snow also has a reference to the story. Made me smile 🙂

Written by sujaybedekar

March 28, 2008 at 4:12 am

Posted in arbit, Books, Music, US

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