A moo point, basically …

Arbit/ Random

Verbiage

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My Middle Office team sent out an email on amended requirements for emails containing certain information, as per new regulatory requirements. The email subject was ‘New verbiage to be added to <> emails’.

I googled ‘verbiage‘, and I got this – (n): Speech or writing that uses too many words or excessively technical expressions.

.

Jury’s out on whether they’re masters of irony, but they sure made my Monday morning.

Written by sujaybedekar

February 27, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Posted in arbit, Finance, Nuff Said

Eurozone crisis – Mahabharata style

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From an intellectual Skype chat …

Sujaykumar Bedekar: it's not pretty mate, the market right now
Amool Paranjpe: whats going on?
Sujaykumar Bedekar: return of the drachma, i suspect
Sujaykumar Bedekar: making olives the official currency, maybe
Sujaykumar Bedekar: of greece
Amool Paranjpe: that seems inevitable
Amool Paranjpe: damned if u do damned if u dont sort of situation isnt it?
Sujaykumar Bedekar: yes
Amool Paranjpe: it probably sounds very simplistic and naive
Amool Paranjpe: and possibly incomplete too
Amool Paranjpe: but how did they ever think a single currency with variable fiscal policy was ever going to work?
Sujaykumar Bedekar: aah, hindsight
Amool Paranjpe: its like saying lets all share a bowel but we'll all individually decide when to take a dump
Sujaykumar Bedekar: lol
Sujaykumar Bedekar: it's a bit like draupadi and her 5 pandav
Sujaykumar Bedekar: and sahdev gives her aids
Amool Paranjpe: hahaha
Sujaykumar Bedekar: and fcks everyone up
Amool Paranjpe: hahahahaha
Sujaykumar Bedekar: i think this conversation is share-worthy :P
Amool Paranjpe: yes yes i agree
Amool Paranjpe: that was a pretty good one
Amool Paranjpe: sh*t it had me in stitches
Sujaykumar Bedekar: heh

 

… and share I did

 

Written by sujaybedekar

September 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Comrade, Sir!

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Here’s Bill Bryson in “Notes from a Small Island” talking about Britain and Communism –

It has long seemed to me unfortunate – and I’m taking the global view here – that such an important experiment (Communism) in social organization was left to the Russians when the British would have managed it so much better. All those things that are necessary to the successful implementation of a rigorous socialist system are, after all, second nature to the British For a start, they like going without. They are great at pulling together, particularly in the face of adversity, for a perceived common good. They will queue patiently for indefinite periods and accept with rare fortitude the imposition of rationing, bland diets and sudden inconvenient shortages of staple goods, as anyone who has ever looked for bread at a supermarket on a Saturday afternoon will know. They are comfortable with faceless bureaucracies and, as Mrs. Thatcher proved, tolerant of dictatorships. They will wait uncomplainingly for years for an operation or the delivery of a household appliance. They have a natural gift for making excellent jokes about authority without seriously challenging it, and they derive universal satisfaction from the sight of the rich and powerful bough low. Most of those above the age of twenty-five already dress like East Germans. The conditions, in a word, are right.

It manages to poke fun at Communism, Britain, Russia, East Germans and a whole lot of things without being offensive, and conveys something which seems so obvious in hindsight – writing at its supreme best.

Written by sujaybedekar

September 23, 2011 at 8:17 pm

Eat this

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Cannibals are great humanitarians.

I don’t like my mother-in-law. Me neither, pass the salt.

Son, how many times have I told you to not talk when you have someone in your mouth?

We’re social people. Just last week, we had our neighbours for dinner.

Our favourite game: Swallow the leader

My doctor gave me indigestion. How ironic.

Ooooh, check out the legs on that one.

 

I hope these jokes are not in poor taste.

 

Originality Nazis – Some of these are not mine.

List will be updated subject to further inspiration

Written by sujaybedekar

July 8, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

A-Zee

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After months of internal haggling, fatwa politics, boardroom battles and a lot of back-stabbing (and a couple of suicide bombings), the Al-Qaeda has finally named Egyptian Al-Zawahiri as Leader after Bin Laden’s Death. With the ending of this phase of uncertainty, Al-Qaeda stocks (KSE ticker: AQH) surged by 53%.  (source: BBG)

"Who's #1? I'm #1! Who's the man? Ay-man!"

S&P upgraded Al-Qaeda to a punchy ‘B’ rating with Outlook Positive, making it a better investment than Pakistan and Greece. Explaining the upgrade, an analyst said, “A-Zee brings with him a dearth of experience in the bombing and terrorism domain. His natural savviness on the camera has been amply demonstrated, and his appointment is a shot in the arm (literally) for recent efforts towards attracting disgruntled youth whose numbers are going up each day. His contacts among the Taliban and the ISI make him the perfect pick to help AQH usher in a new era in Infidel-cleansing and Jihadism.”

A-Z issued a eulogy for his predecessor last week, saying he had terrified the US by hiring those kamikaze pilots a decade ago and will continue to do so in death. He then let slip that Mr. Obama had in fact died three years ago of gonorrhea, but then tried to cover it up by saying ‘lol jk’. A-Z declared his intention to follow in the footsteps of Mr Laden and to bring glory to his name. “To show my commitment, I promise to double my harem by the end of this week. I will also update the stash of porn Master Commander Laden ji had. My biggest regret will be that he was unable to see all the glorious new stuff out there.”

A wikileaks spokesman had this to say on the new development – “Told ya.” To which someone said – “Who asked you?”

Written by sujaybedekar

June 16, 2011 at 2:45 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Mutate!

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Saw X-Men: First Class yesterday. First thoughts –

– Magneto is super cool. He’s just below the Panda in terms of ‘awesomeness’. He has a magnetic personality in more ways than one, no wonder he attracts so many followers. The helmet he wears might be good against Prof X, but I doubt whether it’ll be able to withstand bouncers from Holding/ Garner/ Croft/ Roberts.

– Professor X (who apparently is called ‘ex-Zavier’ and not ‘Xavier’) is a preachy, condescending pain-in-the-backside know-it-all with an unhealthy obsession with purple lip gloss. It’s a miracle that the X-Men end up staying with such a manipulator for so long.

X-Men is quite a sexist name. Surprised how come no one has cribbed about that yet.

Mystique is for sure what we call a late bloomer.

– I feel distinctly inadequate now, given my complete lack of any abnormalities/ talents. It would have been nice to have had at least an extra finger or a luminescent nose**, just to show that I was not falling behind in the evolutionary race.

– Given my current work profile where I essentially go and ask people to pay back the money they owe us, I would like to become a mutant with superb recovery skills. My name will be ‘Vasooli’. My catchphrase will be ‘Show me my money!’.

– I would not have complained had the movie gone on for a couple more hours. It was quite ‘First Class’. Top Class. A-1. Raapchik. Fattack!

** Clearly, Hrithik Roshan and Rudolph are advanced specimens of their respective races

Written by sujaybedekar

June 12, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Password Angst

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T-20: You have 20 days until your password expires
“Peace, leave it for another day”

T-10: You have 10 days until your password expires
“Ten. That’s like more than a week. Laterz”

T-1: <no alert / missed alert>

T=0: Change your password. NOW.

“Whoa! Windows XP, Y U No give warni … nevermind. Purrfect timing though, just when I had to do something really important …

<Enter new password>

The New password should have at least two special characters, three vowels, four consonants and five numerals. The alphabets and the numerals should be non-consecutive, non-repeating. You cannot recycle the last twenty passwords you have used, or the hundred odd iterations you tried for those twenty.
The new password has to contain at least some part of the Latin name of an animal. The animal chosen must be from a different phylum from the last twelve ones.

Attempt1:      Too simple
Attempt2:      Too simple (Lol but that was funny)
Attempt3:      Dude. Seriously
Attempt4:      Nice try. This is your neighbour’s password. Use something else.
Attempt29:    Abuse aimed at Windows/ XP/ Bill Gates/ Microsoft is not acceptable as a password. I do feel your pain though.
Attempt 51:   Great success

Please re-enter username-password to login

T+0.01:         Oh … wait. What was the password I finally entered? FFFUUUUUUU……

T+0.02:         <Request New Password, resigned to fate>

Sigh. Every. Single. Time.

1. This would probably look better as a Meme-comic, if only I didn’t suck at art in general

2. Here’s a handy link for those people who dread passwords like I do

3. Here are more examples of ridiculous expectations regarding passwords!

Written by sujaybedekar

June 8, 2011 at 12:39 am

Posted in Uncategorized