A moo point, basically …

Arbit/ Random

Rap it Up, Sheila

with 4 comments

The past few years have seen a deluge of faux desi people with punny names like ‘Hard Kaur’ and ‘Rishi Rich’ infiltrating the Hindi (Bollywood) music scene ‘like this, and that, and this, and that’. Their presence makes it merely a matter of time when we will have our own rappers with names inspired by sweets/candies, ’cause that has been the domain of politicians (Rabri, Imarti) for too long. If M&M’s can inspire ‘Eminem’, why can’t someone call himself/herself ‘Gems’? People could decide to go a level deeper (Ooo DiCaprio, you would like that wouldn’t you?) and call themselves Rock-n-Rola-cola or Mary Poppins.

It is a universally acknowledged fact that the English grammar & punctuation skills of Indians are far better than anyone in the world, Brits and Americans included. A testament to this is the virtual monopoly Indian kids have on the spelling bee championships, going where no child their age has gone i.e. words longer than 7 alphabets. The rap fad might end up affecting the literary value of our songs, though, and consequently that of our culture, our heritage and everything else that is s nice. Long-gone seem the days when Javed Akhtar & Gulzar would come up with unfathomable (but apparently quite awesome) lyrics like ‘geela … geela paani’ (wet … wet water) or ‘itni shiddat se I did something’ (I don’t know what this means but I think I did something nice). Today, a trend’s developing, where all songs have a few lines in English spoken really fast and aggressively, usually to indicate high levels of libido and/or rage. The rhymes, unfortunately, leave a lot to be desired. When the less famous Patel sibling (Ameesaa ben) pouts ‘Mausam bada hai Awesome’, I can’t help but cringe. When aliterations are reduced to stuff like ‘Lazy Lamhe’, I am but a touch saddened. When Himesh advises ‘Full-too attitude, de de tu zara’, I let it pass only because he’s in a league of his own. When I hear Sunidhi croon –

Silly silly silly sillee boys …. mujhe follow follow karte hain ….
Jab unke taraf dekhoon …. baatein hollow hollow karte hain

I’ll admit it, she probably has a point there – guys do have a tendency to follow women around and talk hollow stuff because they’re so bowled over by the immense awesomeness of the women being followed. This does not, however, justify coming up with such random lyrics, even if there’s Katrina Kaif wearing treacherous clothing just itching to malfunction as she does pelvic thrusts which would corrupt even the lai llama – the wisest and most chaste (chastest?) llama ever. Here’s the video I refer to, presented solely for academic interest.

Continuing on the same topic (the lyrics of the song), she goes on to say –

dil karta hai haule haule-se main khud ko gale laga loon
kisi aur ki mujhko zaroorat kya main to khud se pyaar jataaoon

This, however, is where I draw the line. What she’s essentially saying is that she’s so hot that she’s like totally in love with herself, like that narcissistic greek guy from the fables (his name eludes my memory, unfortunately). Anyone else will be such a disappointment for her that she’s going to ‘jataao pyaar’ on her own – i.e. please herself. I have to say that this is something which is simply not acceptable. Skewed sex-ratios are a real problem, people. Some magazine estimates that soon, there will be nearly 20 mn Chinese dudes, all spoilt rotten by their folks because they had no siblings while growing up, suddenly realizing that they have no girls to follow-follow or talk hollow-hollow. It’s alright if they turn to each other for solace and comfort – will be the best population control measure I suppose. It could get catastrophic though if China was to export it’s way out of this surplus as well! We Indians have just hit the peak of our demographic dividend curve, so we’ll get where the Chinese are, just a few decades later (as always). Given such a bleak outlook, is it really a good idea for girls – especially the hot ones – to indulge in or inspire others with such notions of self-fulfillment? Unless Katrina et al can assure us that it’s ‘just a phase’ and that ‘it too shall pass’, I strongly urge the social/moral police to stage an intervention here in the strictest possible manner. I’m pretty sure our culture is getting corrupted here somehow, and that should be good enough.

Although it might seem so, this post was not an excuse to have the video on my blog. Also, this rant does not wish to trivialize a matter as serious as this. It is high time we do something about it lest our children pay for our mistakes, even if it is the only known way in which parents can get back at their children.We need to do something, else it might get quite painful. We need to ‘chase ourselves‘, if I was to quote some borrowed wisdom.

We should probably look at the gender ratio issue too, ’cause I would be deeply saddened if my son (if/when I have one) was to end up living like an engineering college student without even stepping into an engineering college. Scary thought!

(Hopefully I’ll update this post with more examples of literary-mudder)

Ed: Just watched Tees Maar Khan, and all I have to say to the director Farah Khan is that Tees Maar isn’t sufficient punishment for the agony I had to endure. Tees hazaar maar will be enough though.

Written by sujaybedekar

December 22, 2010 at 7:23 am

4 Responses

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  1. A few things here – This post was an eye-opener, I was among the many deluded by the pelvic thrusts so vividly described above and had forgotten the very adorable Munni for Sheila’s jawani. My conscience is clear now, for Munni is ready to be ‘badnaam’ for her darling, Shiela rules out the possibility completely. In fact, I think I’d settle for the baai who loves hip hoppers instead (she anyways doesn’t get her master’s love, and so should be available)

    Talking of literary murder, I’m stunned at the dearth of good lyricists – I mean if at all you wanted to go international with your songs why don’t you have songs like “Tu mera Superman, main teri Lady; ho gaya hai hum dono mei pyaar already” (Govinda / Kimi Katkar in Dariya Dil) – just look at the clarity of thought here. You have to figure out so much these days “Like this and that and this and that”. I think the music industry badly needs a time machine – Himesh definitely is from the future. The sorry state of affairs is summed up in the song “Gila Gila Gila” from Aitraaz – I am yet to understand the song, would appreciate if someone could help.

    And is Tees Maar Khan in theatres already – thought it was supposed to release on 24th?

    Abhipreet Das

    December 22, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    • Totally. Munni needs to be commended on her stellar dedication to her darling and the supreme sacrifices she’s made for him – becoming zandu balm surely must not have been easy.
      I definitely think we need a ‘Chale jaao’ andolan to rid us of the Rap-infestation, ’cause it’s making people do things which are detrimental to the future of the country.
      And it is an indication of how astonishingly atrocious the movie was, given the fact that Sheila’s jawani acted was so much better than Sheila and anyone else in the movie. Pity she (the jawani) didn’t get more screen time. The movie released yesterday out here, I feel bad about wasting my persuasion powers for trash like this.
      Oh and thanks, Peter. Without you (and our conversation), this post would not have been possible. I would have given out more profuse thanks, but I’ve reached the word lim


      December 22, 2010 at 12:56 pm

  2. Kat has never looked or danced better before, which is *erm* distracting. But that can’t take anything away from the fact that it is an awful song with crappy music and lyrics. At least Munni was crass with Indian slang as lyrics. All this modern Hinglish crap just peeves me no end. There are very few good new lyrics writers like Prasoon Joshi, and they are definitely not favorites in the film industry like Sameer :P. And I think the entertainment industry caters to what the youngsters like. Many of my friends cringe when I play old or classical music. They are happy with the hip hop, rap, pop English and Hinglish crap thrown at them.Sidetracking, of the recent movies, “Kare Badra” from Mirch was noteworthy.

    As for the sex ratio issue, I guess our generation is already facing the consequences. Hopefully we will not make the same mistakes and not skew the ratio any more


    December 22, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    • C’mon Malli, each song should be allowed to be crappy in its own special way.
      Music and politicians are identical in that sense- the people always get what they deserve. There is hip-hop flavour to most songs these days – the chart busters – but their shelf life is pretty short, which is why they need to be rammed down people’s throats (ears). But the nice ones still manage to wade through the crap and stick, so all izz well


      December 23, 2010 at 5:04 am

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