A moo point, basically …

Arbit/ Random

Sarah Palin OMG

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Warning: Slightly long post

Barack Hussein Obama II has so far flaunted his inexperience at governance and most other things by claiming that he plans to start afresh. He wants to bring in change. Bravo I say. He has a perfect family, a fairly uninteresting (i.e. scandal-free) wife and irrelevant children. There are rumours that he just might be the Messiah America … nay, the whole world, needs. His trip to different parts of the world a month ago was probably to do some mass healing. And I wouldn’t be too surprised if it is later revealed that he uses the pool at home to practise moonwalking on water.

John Sidney McCain was the old guy, the too experienced fella who just wouldn’t change. He’s the dude who got yoinked in Vietnam or whichever slang you prefer for the unmentionable places. Sample: I’ll kick your Vietnam all the way to Ho-Chi-Minh you modaf****). Things were going along just so perfectly for the Dems …

… until this happened. Obama went and got himself a fairly old guy as a VP. Joseph Robinette(!) Biden doesn’t just look old – all those jokes about ‘ancient history being current affairs’, ‘diaper changes‘ and ‘foreign secretary to Queen Elizabeth I’ which were made about McCain are now applicable to Biden too. He talks in a fairly senile manner also. Now, replace the ‘s’ by ‘p’, and you have a word which is eternally associated with dysfunction. So basically Biden is just one alphabet away from being unable to stand tall in times of deep crisis and turn on … sorry, turmoil. WHOA!

McCain decided to fight inexperience with inexperience (never believed I would ever make such a statement). He wanted someone who would shove Obama’s rhetoric/message (depends which way you look at it) up his Vietnam. So he ventured where no one had ever gone i.e. Wasilla, Alaska and got himself Sarah Louise Heath Palin! OMG! O.M.G.! First of all – what a cute name!

Here’s what I think will now happen.

1. The average age of the Democrat P-VP candidate combo: (47+65)/2 = 56. The average age of the Republican P-VP candidate combo: (72+44)/2 = 58. Age gap? What age gap?

2. He’s tangling an awesome carrot in front of all Americans – There are quite a few disheartened folks (mainly ladies) who wanted Hillary to be the first woman Prez. Everyone is convinced that if McCain does get elected, he’ll pop off while in office. Well, if that does happen, ta-dah! Guess who’ll be the President of USandA! Sen. Palin! OMG! O.M.G.!

3. Every American secretly wants to have hot people in the White House. Hollywood is to be blamed for this mostly (Please refer to this previous post about a much better way for selecting the US Prez). That’s why they loved Reagan and Kennedy (esp. Jackie) and Bill Clinton (apparently). McCain adds to this list his fourth (fifth?) wife Cindy McCain, although some people might think she looks like an android. Everyone will nod in vehement agreement, though, when I say that Palin is the hottest thing (person) ever to have a realistic (albeit indirect) chance of becoming the President. <Pause to digest this info>. She was a Miss USA ’84 runner-up or something (the year I was born. We have a connection already. Sigh). She also was Miss Congeniality in the same competition. Is it just me or does this sound exactly like the Sandra Bullock movie with the same name! She is like one of those characters you occasionally see who is all uptight and snooty with scholarly glasses and prim dresses but who is secretly smoldering underneath with passion and desire and what not … phew. Very sweaty in here.

Ed: Just realized this – Given her pageant antics, obviously the one thing she’ll be ‘gunning’ for is – World Peace. That, and resurrecting Mother Teresa. Amen to that.

4. She is mom to an infant and also set to be a granny with a 17-year old unmarried pregnant daughter – and she preaches abstinence to one and all. She is from Alaska and shoots animals for fun. Wiki says – “Palin, a self- described “hockey mom”, is a mother of five. She enjoys hunting, ice fishing and riding snowmobiles. She has also completed a marathon in just under 4 hours.” She is like Jack Bauer without the torture. Who would NOT want to have such an awesome President-in-waiting? (I guess the PETA folks would object to her trigger-happy ways. But we all know that most people there sign up thinking that they’ll be officially allowed to have pics of Pam Anderson’s Cambodias covered with veggies as their office desktop wallpapers. Yeah right …**)

5. Sen. McCain antagonized Britney Spears and Paris Hilton by equating Obama to them (lol!). Paris Hilton then responded with a video of her own, suggesting why SHE should run for the presidency. He thus made Americans open to the idea that one day hotness and dumbness might just grace the floors of the White House in official positions. Then he gives them Palin, who is like the tape-less, brunette and much more intelligent version of Ms. Hilton. How cool is that?

As news filters in that McCain now leads Obama in opinion polls, I have to say – Well played Sen. McCain and all you Republicans. I honestly didn’t think you had it in you, but clearly I was wrong. You know the American psyche better than anyone else.

** If this fact which I scoffed is in fact actually true – and if there are more perks of a similar kind – could someone please let the PETA folks know that after humanitarianism, vegitarianism is what I love the most. Srsly. kthxbye.

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Written by sujaybedekar

September 9, 2008 at 12:38 pm

Posted in news, politics, US

Tagged with , , , , ,

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