A moo point, basically …

After months of internal haggling, fatwa politics, boardroom battles and a lot of back-stabbing (and a couple of suicide bombings), the Al-Qaeda has finally named Egyptian Al-Zawahiri as Leader after Bin Laden’s Death. With the ending of this phase of uncertainty, Al-Qaeda stocks (KSE ticker: AQH) surged by 53%.  (source: BBG)

"Who's #1? I'm #1! Who's the man? Ay-man!"

S&P upgraded Al-Qaeda to a punchy ‘B’ rating with Outlook Positive, making it a better investment than Pakistan and Greece. Explaining the upgrade, an analyst said, “A-Zee brings with him a dearth of experience in the bombing and terrorism domain. His natural savviness on the camera has been amply demonstrated, and his appointment is a shot in the arm (literally) for recent efforts towards attracting disgruntled youth whose numbers are going up each day. His contacts among the Taliban and the ISI make him the perfect pick to help AQH usher in a new era in Infidel-cleansing and Jihadism.”

A-Z issued a eulogy for his predecessor last week, saying he had terrified the US by hiring those kamikaze pilots a decade ago and will continue to do so in death. He then let slip that Mr. Obama had in fact died three years ago of gonorrhea, but then tried to cover it up by saying ‘lol jk’. A-Z declared his intention to follow in the footsteps of Mr Laden and to bring glory to his name. “To show my commitment, I promise to double my harem by the end of this week. I will also update the stash of porn Master Commander Laden ji had. My biggest regret will be that he was unable to see all the glorious new stuff out there.”

A wikileaks spokesman had this to say on the new development – “Told ya.” To which someone said – “Who asked you?”

Saw X-Men: First Class yesterday. First thoughts -

- Magneto is super cool. He’s just below the Panda in terms of ‘awesomeness’. He has a magnetic personality in more ways than one, no wonder he attracts so many followers. The helmet he wears might be good against Prof X, but I doubt whether it’ll be able to withstand bouncers from Holding/ Garner/ Croft/ Roberts.

- Professor X (who apparently is called ‘ex-Zavier’ and not ‘Xavier’) is a preachy, condescending pain-in-the-backside know-it-all with an unhealthy obsession with purple lip gloss. It’s a miracle that the X-Men end up staying with such a manipulator for so long.

X-Men is quite a sexist name. Surprised how come no one has cribbed about that yet.

- Mystique is for sure what we call a late bloomer.

- I feel distinctly inadequate now, given my complete lack of any abnormalities/ talents. It would have been nice to have had at least an extra finger or a luminescent nose**, just to show that I was not falling behind in the evolutionary race.

- Given my current work profile where I essentially go and ask people to pay back the money they owe us, I would like to become a mutant with superb recovery skills. My name will be ‘Vasooli’. My catchphrase will be ‘Show me my money!’.

- I would not have complained had the movie gone on for a couple more hours. It was quite ‘First Class’. Top Class. A-1. Raapchik. Fattack!

** Clearly, Hrithik Roshan and Rudolph are advanced specimens of their respective races

T-20: You have 20 days until your password expires
“Peace, leave it for another day”

T-10: You have 10 days until your password expires
“Ten. That’s like more than a week. Laterz”

T-1: <no alert / missed alert>

T=0: Change your password. NOW.

“Whoa! Windows XP, Y U No give warni … nevermind. Purrfect timing though, just when I had to do something really important …

<Enter new password>

The New password should have at least two special characters, three vowels, four consonants and five numerals. The alphabets and the numerals should be non-consecutive, non-repeating. You cannot recycle the last twenty passwords you have used, or the hundred odd iterations you tried for those twenty.
The new password has to contain at least some part of the Latin name of an animal. The animal chosen must be from a different phylum from the last twelve ones.

Attempt1:      Too simple
Attempt2:      Too simple (Lol but that was funny)
Attempt3:      Dude. Seriously
Attempt4:      Nice try. This is your neighbour’s password. Use something else.
Attempt29:    Abuse aimed at Windows/ XP/ Bill Gates/ Microsoft is not acceptable as a password. I do feel your pain though.
Attempt 51:   Great success

Please re-enter username-password to login

T+0.01:         Oh … wait. What was the password I finally entered? FFFUUUUUUU……

T+0.02:         <Request New Password, resigned to fate>

Sigh. Every. Single. Time.

1. This would probably look better as a Meme-comic, if only I didn’t suck at art in general

2. Here’s a handy link for those people who dread passwords like I do

1997:
Me: “Ek baar na ek aadmi hota hai. Uska naam hota hai na Devendra Kumar Bose <pause1 for effect> … DK Bose” <pause2>
Rest: “Umm … ok? So?”
Me: “Uski maa usko baar baar bulayegi to kya hoga?”
Rest: “DK Bose DK … <sinks in> Ohhhh … lololololol”

2005:
Ekta Kapoor’s Kya Kool Hai Hum, a blue-goateed Raj Zutshi giving instructions on the phone -
RZ: “Please, Airport announcer ko bol dena, Mera naam DK Bose hai. Last time ulta bol diya, kaafi problem ho gaya tha.”
Me: “Whoa! Deja Vu!”

2011:
Delhi Belly, a bashed up Imrann Khan fake-croons -

“Saabun ki shakal mein / Beta tu to niklaa kewal jhaag … Jhaag … JHAAAAG/”

“Bhaag-bhaag DK BOSE DK BOSE DK BOSE / Bhaag bhaag DK BOSE DK bhaag!”

Me: “Umm … meh”

At least the song is catchy.